The Camino Virus

The seed has been planted

I got infected with the 'Camino virus' by different people around me, but first in 2015 by the book 'I'm going on a journey and leaving behind' by Simone Awhina. A beautiful book that describes all the different levels of experience of the Camino so beautifully. First the physical discomfort you go through, then the mental challenge and the longer you walk, also the spiritual experience. The personal growth that this woman went through in this book made me so curious. I read the book twice and the seed was planted that I wanted to walk the Camino one day.

First CaminoI walked my first Camino in 2019, I started with the Camino Primitivo - the very first Camino in the history of the pilgrims, that idea appealed to me. This Camino is also a lot less busy than, for example, the Francés; another way to challenge myself to really get close to myself. At the same time, the Primitivo is also a lot shorter than the Francés and this also suited me well in case I didn't like walking at all. Two former colleagues had good experiences with this Camino and that ultimately made my choice. With the golden tips 'if you think you've gone the wrong way, then you probably have' and 'don't wear heavy mountain boots' I set off.

Traveling alone for the first timeI found it incredibly exciting to travel alone. I could already imagine myself walking through the forest alone at night with anxious voices in my head! While I was living on my own, I didn't even dare to sleep alone at home the night before, imagine that. Arriving in Bilbao and then in Oviedo, traveling alone turned out to be a lot more relaxing than I thought. Because of the many people I had to talk to, I almost missed the bus. The fear of being alone was quickly tackled.

Dancing & singing out loudWhat I remember most about this journey is that I was dancing and singing out loud in the first few days. This felt so liberating. On the Camino I looked at my life in which I had become stuck from a distance. I came from a business life that was far too rigid for me, it was all about performance. On the other hand, I did not walk the Camino to perform at all, while many people in my circle of acquaintances considered it quite an achievement. I walked the Camino to nourish myself with as few stimuli as possible and lots of fresh air and freedom. I was looking forward to it. On my Camino I also met my own Camino family. A group of Spaniards and Italians with whom I could barely communicate as the only person who spoke English, but it was a warm bath, I felt so supported. We sang and danced along the way and immersed ourselves in the local culture.

Santiago vs Finisterre

The finish in Santiago was anything but satisfying for me. I had completely lost myself in the contact with the group. Just like at home, I wanted to belong and especially stay with them. This made me go way beyond my limits in terms of kilometers on my last day. I arrived in Santiago completely exhausted and did not understand what I was doing there. To clear my head, I walked to Finisterre on my own the next day. At first with someone, but eventually I felt the need to go alone. I will never forget the moment I walked towards the lighthouse of Finisterre. It was really coming home. I listened to a Frisian song and it just felt right, tears ran down my cheeks. I was proud of myself that I had completed this journey on my own.

For the second time, the courage to walk My second Camino was already a dormant desire when a good friend of mine invited me to walk the Camino Frances with her. Still, the decision to join was not an easy one. In 2019, I had ended up in a serious burn-out (I had not yet realized this during my first Camino) and my condition was far from fit. Because I still wanted to join, I sold myself that I could physically recover from the Camino, could become stronger again. This time we started together, which gave a completely different dimension. Taking each other into account and thus also indicating our boundaries was super educational. In any case, it has forged a rock-solid bond in our friendship.

Unfortunately, getting physically fit was not an option for me this time. A third of the way through the Camino - just after Burgos - I almost collapsed. I was exhausted, completely done. I needed a break and was eventually forced to leave my girlfriend and group behind just before Astorga. After an emotional farewell, I was on my own. We both knew that this split was very necessary and were grateful for the weeks we had traveled together. I still remember exactly when I got back on the Camino the next day; that was when my Camino really started.

Moving on alone again

This Camino was not easy for me. I was forced to listen to my body. To be kind to myself. If I only walked 5 km a day, that was it. Sometimes I even hitchhiked a few kilometers. I went through a real transformation. Away with those serious hiking outfits, the skirt came on! This woman learned to really enjoy herself. I slept in the middle of nowhere sometimes, in a tent, or outside in the open air. Everything to come to terms with myself, to face my fears.

Transformation

At one point I noticed that I preferred being alone rather than with other people. I looked forward to being able to make all the choices myself again the next day. The world was at my feet. I also asked every day that what was needed would come my way, whether that was nice or not. I trusted completely in the Camino, in life. This time I arrived in Santiago de Compostela satisfied, it was good. Once home I knew that I could go back to work. I had gained so much self-confidence by walking this Camino alone and being completely okay with that.